Rainbow after the storm

I read some where that a healthy baby born after losing a baby, is called the rainbow baby. Because that new baby will bring calm and comfort after the storm. Days before I found out the sad news about Jaydan, I had a dream about a tornado and I read my dream book and dreaming about a tornado means something is going to happen beyond your control. How my dream has anything to do with the awful tragedy of my baby boy. I'll never know. But i guess it was true in some way cause a few days later I found myself delivering a baby, that I would never hear cry or I would never look into his beautiful eyes. Never say NEVER tho because one day I will be with Jaydan again.
I can say the last few months have been the hardest days and nights of my life. I thought I would never get better. And then I took a pregnancy test on Sunday May 16th and it was positive. So i took another one just to be sure. Then I took one more just to make sure. All three tests were positive. It happened May 1st the first try. It was meant to be. I have no choice now but to be so strong for this little baby growing inside me. I thought I would feel scared but I just feel happy and positive everything is going to be okay.I can't wipe this BIG smile off my face. Although I miss Jaydan oh so very much and this new baby has brought me comfort already.I still feel so different from before. I feel.... I don't know actually. I just feel so different.
Jaydan will be with me always and that brings me comfort too

So all my blog readers please keep me in your prayers. I want a little baby so bad. I want to have morning sickness everyday, pee every five minutes. Have sleepless un comfortable nights. I want to endure labour pains for hours... I will do anything and not complain because every moment of pregnancy doesn't last forever. For the next nine months I will pray every day that my baby arrives safely. I will try my best to keep baby number 3 safe. And Jaydan if you can hear me, I am so sorry I didn't keep you safe. I can not forgive myself and I will cry every day for the rest of my life cause I am missing a piece of my heart. That piece of my heart is just for you Jaydan. I wish you were here so bad
Kisses to heaven from Momma
Baby #3 Due January 22nd 2011. So close to Jaydan's birth date of January 30th.

Kisses sent to all the little babies in heaven that didn't have a chance to make many memories with their loving families. It's a privilege to grow old

Mother's Day twenty ten without you....

Hi Jaydan,
I wish you were in my arms and I was feeding you, changing your stinky diapers, wrapping you in a warm blanket and cuddling with big sister Jordan. Instead I am shedding tears cause I miss you so much. Mother's Day has been so special for me but it would be absolutely perfect if you were with us. I know you are sleeping in peace but I wish you were here with us on earth. I am so sorry baby. Momma feels this is all my fault.

Mother's Day declaration (for Jordan & Jaydan)
I wanted you before you were born... I loved you when you were born. I saw your face and I knew that I was in love. Before you were an hour old, I knew that I would die for you. To this day, I will. This is the miracle of life.Put this on your status if you have children you love more than life.

I love you more then life, Jordan Bella Pincemin & Jaydan Ty Pincemin!

PS) I am getting a tattoo in your memory thanks to all our kind friends. Thank you

Kelly
Mandy
Scott
Carly
Catlin
Shannon
Bobby
Ashley
Scott
Lori
Dawn
Sandra
Melissa
Dallas

PPS)I planted some flowers in my Jaydan Garden. (One Dahlia just for you & Gladiolus surrounding) And today on our way out to Mother's Day brunch, I noticed a Gladiolus popping through. Thanks I truly believe that is your way of saying, I am here with you Mommy, be strong and carry on.

I love you my sleeping Angel. I miss you with all my heart. I think of you every second of every day. Catch my kisses in heaven.
I hope we can find your star tonight. it's kinda cloudy right now.
Muwahhhhhhh
Miss you Jaydan

PPS) This is the month that I will try to get pregnant.(hopefully in June tho, same due date as you then) And I know your lil spirit is still inside my belly so please keep our new baby safe.
And watch over Jordan Please. We went to the carnival yesterday and she went on every ride, wanting to go higher and faster. My brave lil daredevil.
Watch over us my innocent lil angel
Bye for now