Only you shine in the night sky
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Bonded by the beating of our hearts...
It's Mother's Day twenty eleven and it would be even better if you were here too.. A year old just learning to walk and talk. I wonder what you would look like and sound like? I'll never know
One thing I did know about you, was the sound of your beating heart. That is how I know you best. I heard your heart beating at 12 weeks into my pregnancy, and I will never forget how happy I was to have you growing inside me. And every day you grew inside me, all you heard all day was the sound of my heart beating. Our family was so excited to meet you. We cry every time we think of you cause we miss you more than anything. I am so sad your gone forever..........
I never thought we got to know eachother, but we did. We knew the sound of eachothers heart beats. You were in my womb for 33 weeks and heard my heart beating with love for you. I heard your heart beat many times and I will always cherish those moments. I just wish I could change the way things ended Jaydan. I will blame myself for the rest of my life.
We will always be bonded by the sound of our hearts beating. Love you Lil' Prince Pincey. (That would have been my nickname for you).
I will always cry every time I write and think of the pain of losing you. Time heals everything but time will not ease my pain, it hasn't yet....
My heart misses your heart.
Happy Mother's Day to me from my angel baby oxoxox
Only god knows when I'll see you again.
I would do anything to hold you close again. Touch your cute little face and kiss your forehead.
Your never really gone cause your memory still remains
We have a really special song dedicated to you.
When I see you again - Emerson Drive
My heart really misses your heart Jaydan
I wish you could be here especially today
I love you baby boy. My one and only Angel.
Bye once again
Kisses to Heaven
One thing I did know about you, was the sound of your beating heart. That is how I know you best. I heard your heart beating at 12 weeks into my pregnancy, and I will never forget how happy I was to have you growing inside me. And every day you grew inside me, all you heard all day was the sound of my heart beating. Our family was so excited to meet you. We cry every time we think of you cause we miss you more than anything. I am so sad your gone forever..........
I never thought we got to know eachother, but we did. We knew the sound of eachothers heart beats. You were in my womb for 33 weeks and heard my heart beating with love for you. I heard your heart beat many times and I will always cherish those moments. I just wish I could change the way things ended Jaydan. I will blame myself for the rest of my life.
We will always be bonded by the sound of our hearts beating. Love you Lil' Prince Pincey. (That would have been my nickname for you).
I will always cry every time I write and think of the pain of losing you. Time heals everything but time will not ease my pain, it hasn't yet....
My heart misses your heart.
Happy Mother's Day to me from my angel baby oxoxox
Only god knows when I'll see you again.
I would do anything to hold you close again. Touch your cute little face and kiss your forehead.
Your never really gone cause your memory still remains
We have a really special song dedicated to you.
When I see you again - Emerson Drive
My heart really misses your heart Jaydan
I wish you could be here especially today
I love you baby boy. My one and only Angel.
Bye once again
Kisses to Heaven
Friday, February 18, 2011
Cherish the past..................
The anniversary of your death has come and gone... I dont know how I survived all those painful days. How did I survive delivering a baby that was so quiet and cold? I couldn't warm you up or change anything. It was all beyond my control. So frustated to this day. And now I made it through another pregnancy and deilvered a baby girl, Jaydee Rae that was crying and warm. What I struggle with is, I lost you little baby boy but now I have a precious baby girl. It is so hard to believe if you were here Jaydee would not be. She would be just a thought. And she is here and your not. You never had the chance to meet us.
We didn't get to make a lifetime of memories. I don't understand and never will.......
I received a phone call after Jaydee was born and a family had to go through the pain of losing a baby. It is so painful and I truly wish no one had to feel this awful heartache. The reason they called me is because they received a special teddy bear in Jaydan's memory. You have touched our lives forever and now another baby is with you in Heaven leaving only an Angel teddy bear behind to stay with the parents. The couple was so touched and really appericated the white angel teddy bear with a special note from us to them. They want to call and say thank you. I have not heard from them yet and I completely understand why.... I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone for weeks and weeks months and months. I still can't believe I survived all those painful days. And my poor little Jordan had a sad Mommy. She is so happy and positive and was my only reason for living & surviving those dark days.....
Why do I blog and write? It's my way of keeping your memory alive.
January 30th is a day that is dedicated to only you Jaydan. We released balloons and thought about you all day long. We had our close family over and had dinner and that is the only way I could make it through that painful day. Is having support from my family. So thank you to my family and the kind messages from my true friends. Thank you for acknowledging Jaydan on that day. It hurts so bad when people don't want to talk about him. There was certain people that I thought would acknowledge him and didn't. That did not go unnoticed and it was very hurtful to me. Jaydan is apart of our everyday life, conversations and his sister's will always remember him and talk about their baby brother who never had the chance. Our family will always think about Jaydan
Jaydan every time I look at your baby sister Jaydee Rae I see your little lips and chin. It's amazing that she resembles you... Jaydee is Jordan's little twin 4 1\2 years younger. Except that one special feature. Your lil chin so we have a little piece of Jaydan that is very alive...
We miss you more then ever.. Every second of the day we think about how perfect our lives would be if you were here and we never had to suffer with the death of a child. So very unfair.
With that said we still feel lucky and hopeful because I have the most beautiful little girls... and my special Angel baby watching over us.
Family day twenty eleven without you.....
Bye again sleeping Angel so peaceful and perfect
I miss you
oxoxoxoxoxoxox
We didn't get to make a lifetime of memories. I don't understand and never will.......
I received a phone call after Jaydee was born and a family had to go through the pain of losing a baby. It is so painful and I truly wish no one had to feel this awful heartache. The reason they called me is because they received a special teddy bear in Jaydan's memory. You have touched our lives forever and now another baby is with you in Heaven leaving only an Angel teddy bear behind to stay with the parents. The couple was so touched and really appericated the white angel teddy bear with a special note from us to them. They want to call and say thank you. I have not heard from them yet and I completely understand why.... I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone for weeks and weeks months and months. I still can't believe I survived all those painful days. And my poor little Jordan had a sad Mommy. She is so happy and positive and was my only reason for living & surviving those dark days.....
Why do I blog and write? It's my way of keeping your memory alive.
January 30th is a day that is dedicated to only you Jaydan. We released balloons and thought about you all day long. We had our close family over and had dinner and that is the only way I could make it through that painful day. Is having support from my family. So thank you to my family and the kind messages from my true friends. Thank you for acknowledging Jaydan on that day. It hurts so bad when people don't want to talk about him. There was certain people that I thought would acknowledge him and didn't. That did not go unnoticed and it was very hurtful to me. Jaydan is apart of our everyday life, conversations and his sister's will always remember him and talk about their baby brother who never had the chance. Our family will always think about Jaydan
Jaydan every time I look at your baby sister Jaydee Rae I see your little lips and chin. It's amazing that she resembles you... Jaydee is Jordan's little twin 4 1\2 years younger. Except that one special feature. Your lil chin so we have a little piece of Jaydan that is very alive...
We miss you more then ever.. Every second of the day we think about how perfect our lives would be if you were here and we never had to suffer with the death of a child. So very unfair.
With that said we still feel lucky and hopeful because I have the most beautiful little girls... and my special Angel baby watching over us.
Family day twenty eleven without you.....
Bye again sleeping Angel so peaceful and perfect
I miss you
oxoxoxoxoxoxox
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Angelversary
I still cry for you everyday...I just can't help but blame myself. I have new baby and she is due to arrive any day now. I needed her to give me hope again. My entire life has changed so much the day you went away. I can't believe that day is almost a year ago. I still can't believe it. Or I just don't want to believe it. It all just seems like a bad dream to me.
The only way I have survived is my family that has supported me and been close by my side through everything. My sister and mom who are my hero's and my dad who can still make me laugh when I am sad... My main reason to be strong and survive is the one and only Jordan. I strive to be the "perfect Mommy" so I had no choice but to try my best for Jordan. My sunshine on a rainy day. And now my ray of hope. Jaydee Rae who can join us any day now. Mommy is waiting to meet you and hold you so close and kiss you over and over and tell you I love you from the bottom of my heart. That is my hope. Family & love. It's all you need to battle any pain from loss. So I can't thank god enough for my family.......
Jaydan did you get our messages to Heaven on Christmas Day. I can only hope. I bought special balloons with stars because you are our shinning star. Your family wrote special messages and we all cried and sent our star balloons in to the night sky. They went right towards your star....
We have a blue teddy bear from Nanna. So we named it Jaydan. It was for your display but one day Jordan wanted to play with it. Ever since that day Jaydan the teddy bear is always in her arms. She sleeps with Jaydan now and talks to the teddy bear all the time. I think it's the most special little bond ever. She is well aware it is just a teddy bear and not the real Jaydan. She tells me "I know Mom, it's just the pretend Jaydan." My Brother Jaydan is sleeping in Heaven. I love how she talks about you everyday. Sends "Prays" to Jaydan every night. I am so lucky to have such an understanding little girl who will never forget her lil brother although she was only 3 years old the day Jaydan went away......
Daddy has also found a way to watch you play hockey....? Sorta (since we will never get the chance) He has created a lil' hockey player named Jaydan Pincemin on NHL slap shot. His more recent video game. So you start off as a little Pee Wee and make your way to the NHL. It is so cute to watch you skate around the ice with your name on your Jersey and your number 18 (representing your due date) Right now your just this lil child playing hockey on a pond, we get to watch u grow and Daddy is so good at video games so one day soon you will be playing in the NHL. It's just another way of making you apart of our daily life. You will always be apart of us and we will honour you in any way we can.
I sure wish you were alive baby boy so I could thank you for the most important lesson in life that only you have taught me. To be more grateful and enjoy the moment. You have changed me and you will never know how thankful I am. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.
You're our Angel of protection & we are honoured. Little sister will know everything about you. Thanks for watching over us.
You sleep in peace and catch our warm kisses to Heaven
I love you with all my heart
Mommy
Mwuahhhhhhhhhh
The only way I have survived is my family that has supported me and been close by my side through everything. My sister and mom who are my hero's and my dad who can still make me laugh when I am sad... My main reason to be strong and survive is the one and only Jordan. I strive to be the "perfect Mommy" so I had no choice but to try my best for Jordan. My sunshine on a rainy day. And now my ray of hope. Jaydee Rae who can join us any day now. Mommy is waiting to meet you and hold you so close and kiss you over and over and tell you I love you from the bottom of my heart. That is my hope. Family & love. It's all you need to battle any pain from loss. So I can't thank god enough for my family.......
Jaydan did you get our messages to Heaven on Christmas Day. I can only hope. I bought special balloons with stars because you are our shinning star. Your family wrote special messages and we all cried and sent our star balloons in to the night sky. They went right towards your star....
We have a blue teddy bear from Nanna. So we named it Jaydan. It was for your display but one day Jordan wanted to play with it. Ever since that day Jaydan the teddy bear is always in her arms. She sleeps with Jaydan now and talks to the teddy bear all the time. I think it's the most special little bond ever. She is well aware it is just a teddy bear and not the real Jaydan. She tells me "I know Mom, it's just the pretend Jaydan." My Brother Jaydan is sleeping in Heaven. I love how she talks about you everyday. Sends "Prays" to Jaydan every night. I am so lucky to have such an understanding little girl who will never forget her lil brother although she was only 3 years old the day Jaydan went away......
Daddy has also found a way to watch you play hockey....? Sorta (since we will never get the chance) He has created a lil' hockey player named Jaydan Pincemin on NHL slap shot. His more recent video game. So you start off as a little Pee Wee and make your way to the NHL. It is so cute to watch you skate around the ice with your name on your Jersey and your number 18 (representing your due date) Right now your just this lil child playing hockey on a pond, we get to watch u grow and Daddy is so good at video games so one day soon you will be playing in the NHL. It's just another way of making you apart of our daily life. You will always be apart of us and we will honour you in any way we can.
I sure wish you were alive baby boy so I could thank you for the most important lesson in life that only you have taught me. To be more grateful and enjoy the moment. You have changed me and you will never know how thankful I am. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.
You're our Angel of protection & we are honoured. Little sister will know everything about you. Thanks for watching over us.
You sleep in peace and catch our warm kisses to Heaven
I love you with all my heart
Mommy
Mwuahhhhhhhhhh
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