Always on my mind

You're always on my mind Jaydan...
I can't stop thinking about you.
When I found your shinning star in the night sky I was making a wish and then right close to your star was a shooting star. I was so amazed that night wondering if maybe you were letting me know your always here just not in body.
I found out we are pregnant with baby girl. So i had to pack up all the clothes I had waiting for you. I never got to see you in your blue outfits. I can only imagine in my mind how cute you would look. That makes me cry. I have decided that new baby girl will have to wear some of your outfits because I can`t bare to pack them away in a box. So baby girl will be wearing some of your blue outfits in memory of you.

So often I feel so frustrated, angry and just mad at the world because I had to experience this. I`m the mom that wants 4 babies to raise and love more then life.I would now sacrifice anything just to have more babies. I have been pregnant for over 14 months straight now. I can`t complain much because I know ladies from my support group that have been pregnant for longer periods of time. I just pray this lil baby girl who is moving around as I type arrives safe naked and crying. Jordan misses her baby brother and talks about Jaydan all the time. When she is drawing family portraits she always includes baby Jaydan and new baby. She is the sweetest little girl and I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE HER.

Our family will be attending Walk to remember to honour little lives lost.
Our life has been touched by the loss of you Jaydan so we will walk to remember and honour you. You are my precious baby boy and you have changed my life forever. I will be sending a balloon to heaven with a message just for you from your loving momma.

I always see this whitish blurry haze in front of my face. I have no clue what to think but I hope it`s your lil spirit staying close by Momma where you belong. Your 1st Halloween is coming up, your 1st thanksgiving and 1st Christmas without you. No one will understand how sad I will be. I wish I could see you again and hold you close and Kiss your cute lil face. I miss you with all my heart.

Bye again Jaydan.
Momma loves you