Rainbow after the storm

I read some where that a healthy baby born after losing a baby, is called the rainbow baby. Because that new baby will bring calm and comfort after the storm. Days before I found out the sad news about Jaydan, I had a dream about a tornado and I read my dream book and dreaming about a tornado means something is going to happen beyond your control. How my dream has anything to do with the awful tragedy of my baby boy. I'll never know. But i guess it was true in some way cause a few days later I found myself delivering a baby, that I would never hear cry or I would never look into his beautiful eyes. Never say NEVER tho because one day I will be with Jaydan again.
I can say the last few months have been the hardest days and nights of my life. I thought I would never get better. And then I took a pregnancy test on Sunday May 16th and it was positive. So i took another one just to be sure. Then I took one more just to make sure. All three tests were positive. It happened May 1st the first try. It was meant to be. I have no choice now but to be so strong for this little baby growing inside me. I thought I would feel scared but I just feel happy and positive everything is going to be okay.I can't wipe this BIG smile off my face. Although I miss Jaydan oh so very much and this new baby has brought me comfort already.I still feel so different from before. I feel.... I don't know actually. I just feel so different.
Jaydan will be with me always and that brings me comfort too

So all my blog readers please keep me in your prayers. I want a little baby so bad. I want to have morning sickness everyday, pee every five minutes. Have sleepless un comfortable nights. I want to endure labour pains for hours... I will do anything and not complain because every moment of pregnancy doesn't last forever. For the next nine months I will pray every day that my baby arrives safely. I will try my best to keep baby number 3 safe. And Jaydan if you can hear me, I am so sorry I didn't keep you safe. I can not forgive myself and I will cry every day for the rest of my life cause I am missing a piece of my heart. That piece of my heart is just for you Jaydan. I wish you were here so bad
Kisses to heaven from Momma
Baby #3 Due January 22nd 2011. So close to Jaydan's birth date of January 30th.

Kisses sent to all the little babies in heaven that didn't have a chance to make many memories with their loving families. It's a privilege to grow old