The anniversary of your death has come and gone... I dont know how I survived all those painful days. How did I survive delivering a baby that was so quiet and cold? I couldn't warm you up or change anything. It was all beyond my control. So frustated to this day. And now I made it through another pregnancy and deilvered a baby girl, Jaydee Rae that was crying and warm. What I struggle with is, I lost you little baby boy but now I have a precious baby girl. It is so hard to believe if you were here Jaydee would not be. She would be just a thought. And she is here and your not. You never had the chance to meet us.
We didn't get to make a lifetime of memories. I don't understand and never will.......
I received a phone call after Jaydee was born and a family had to go through the pain of losing a baby. It is so painful and I truly wish no one had to feel this awful heartache. The reason they called me is because they received a special teddy bear in Jaydan's memory. You have touched our lives forever and now another baby is with you in Heaven leaving only an Angel teddy bear behind to stay with the parents. The couple was so touched and really appericated the white angel teddy bear with a special note from us to them. They want to call and say thank you. I have not heard from them yet and I completely understand why.... I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone for weeks and weeks months and months. I still can't believe I survived all those painful days. And my poor little Jordan had a sad Mommy. She is so happy and positive and was my only reason for living & surviving those dark days.....
Why do I blog and write? It's my way of keeping your memory alive.
January 30th is a day that is dedicated to only you Jaydan. We released balloons and thought about you all day long. We had our close family over and had dinner and that is the only way I could make it through that painful day. Is having support from my family. So thank you to my family and the kind messages from my true friends. Thank you for acknowledging Jaydan on that day. It hurts so bad when people don't want to talk about him. There was certain people that I thought would acknowledge him and didn't. That did not go unnoticed and it was very hurtful to me. Jaydan is apart of our everyday life, conversations and his sister's will always remember him and talk about their baby brother who never had the chance. Our family will always think about Jaydan
Jaydan every time I look at your baby sister Jaydee Rae I see your little lips and chin. It's amazing that she resembles you... Jaydee is Jordan's little twin 4 1\2 years younger. Except that one special feature. Your lil chin so we have a little piece of Jaydan that is very alive...
We miss you more then ever.. Every second of the day we think about how perfect our lives would be if you were here and we never had to suffer with the death of a child. So very unfair.
With that said we still feel lucky and hopeful because I have the most beautiful little girls... and my special Angel baby watching over us.
Family day twenty eleven without you.....
Bye again sleeping Angel so peaceful and perfect
I miss you
oxoxoxoxoxoxox
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