Angelversary

I still cry for you everyday...I just can't help but blame myself. I have new baby and she is due to arrive any day now. I needed her to give me hope again. My entire life has changed so much the day you went away. I can't believe that day is almost a year ago. I still can't believe it. Or I just don't want to believe it. It all just seems like a bad dream to me.

The only way I have survived is my family that has supported me and been close by my side through everything. My sister and mom who are my hero's and my dad who can still make me laugh when I am sad... My main reason to be strong and survive is the one and only Jordan. I strive to be the "perfect Mommy" so I had no choice but to try my best for Jordan. My sunshine on a rainy day. And now my ray of hope. Jaydee Rae who can join us any day now. Mommy is waiting to meet you and hold you so close and kiss you over and over and tell you I love you from the bottom of my heart. That is my hope. Family & love. It's all you need to battle any pain from loss. So I can't thank god enough for my family.......

Jaydan did you get our messages to Heaven on Christmas Day. I can only hope. I bought special balloons with stars because you are our shinning star. Your family wrote special messages and we all cried and sent our star balloons in to the night sky. They went right towards your star....

We have a blue teddy bear from Nanna. So we named it Jaydan. It was for your display but one day Jordan wanted to play with it. Ever since that day Jaydan the teddy bear is always in her arms. She sleeps with Jaydan now and talks to the teddy bear all the time. I think it's the most special little bond ever. She is well aware it is just a teddy bear and not the real Jaydan. She tells me "I know Mom, it's just the pretend Jaydan." My Brother Jaydan is sleeping in Heaven. I love how she talks about you everyday. Sends "Prays" to Jaydan every night. I am so lucky to have such an understanding little girl who will never forget her lil brother although she was only 3 years old the day Jaydan went away......

Daddy has also found a way to watch you play hockey....? Sorta (since we will never get the chance) He has created a lil' hockey player named Jaydan Pincemin on NHL slap shot. His more recent video game. So you start off as a little Pee Wee and make your way to the NHL. It is so cute to watch you skate around the ice with your name on your Jersey and your number 18 (representing your due date) Right now your just this lil child playing hockey on a pond, we get to watch u grow and Daddy is so good at video games so one day soon you will be playing in the NHL. It's just another way of making you apart of our daily life. You will always be apart of us and we will honour you in any way we can.

I sure wish you were alive baby boy so I could thank you for the most important lesson in life that only you have taught me. To be more grateful and enjoy the moment. You have changed me and you will never know how thankful I am. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

You're our Angel of protection & we are honoured. Little sister will know everything about you. Thanks for watching over us.

You sleep in peace and catch our warm kisses to Heaven

I love you with all my heart
Mommy
Mwuahhhhhhhhhh