Special Treasure

It's been so long, so hard to write sometimes... Your always on my mind. I write my blog in my head all the time. But sitting down reading past post and new post I still cry and cry. I still get that sharp pain inside because I miss you. I want another son in my life more then anything. So this is one thing I wanted to share. I bet every women after taking a pregnancy test throws it away... Well for some reason I saved yours Jaydan. Jordan had her 1st dance concert dec 4th, 2011. We were all home up in our bedroom, Jordan had to put lipstick on for concert so I had bright red samples and she wanted to apply to my lips, it was cute and I looked hilarious. Ty was fixing our bed that I had to move because lil' sister Jaydee tossed my iPod behind the bed. Tyler brings me this positive pregnancy test that reassured me once again how alive you were. It sometimes feels like a terrible nightmare. I just started crying the tears pouring like rain. But then I remembered the day I took the test and how I was so so very happy you were growing inside me. I was happy I saved the test and kept it by my bed side. You made me so happy and have taught me the most important life lesson. Appreciate the moment, slow down enjoy your babies and childrens every breathe. You never know what will happen next. And parents are never prepared to deal with the death of a child. It's so hard to face. I hear your name everywhere we go, parent volunteer at school they announce over the intercom Jaydan to the office and then repeat sorry that was an accident and call on another boy student. Was that a sign your always with me. At the park never fails there is a family with a Jaydan beside us. Swimming it seems everywhere i go.. I can only think that means it's a sign your always with us. And now lil sister in your memory named specially after you... Jordan wanted race cars etc for Christmas and Jaydee takes the car and makes car sounds just like a little boy would. She has your spirit Jaydan. We just celebrated Jaydee's 1st Birthday, had her party on the 14th of January. This has been a dry winter no snow at all. Until that day of her birthday party friends and family gathered it was perfect and when we left it was snowing. The snow flakes falling let us know your thinking of us. Just like it snowed the day I delivered you and kissed your perfect lil' face goodbye. I kissed every inch of you goodbye. And it snowed on your due date March 18th, 2010. I love those signs and I know your with me close by. In spirit not touch. Jaydan I wanted you so bad I waited 8 months and I will wait until we meet again. I know you have angel wings up in the beautiful Heavens. Can you please bless us with another baby boy soon. No one will ever replace you I just want the chance to see what it's like to have a son on earth. My heart misses your heart. I love you. God bless you baby Jaydan. God bless everyone. Daddy,Mommy big sister Jordan and little sister Jaydee think of you always and miss you more and more everyday